Advanced Directives
Relieve your loved ones from having to make difficult decisions during times of despair
By James River, Greater Springfield LIVING WELL Magazine
Let me just say right from the beginning that I am not an attorney, but the following information is what I have seen and experienced as a nurse, licensed nursing home administrator, and a family member. I have personally and professionally been involved in these exact same scenarios that follow. The following is about having an advanced directive. If you have an advanced directive be thankful that you will never find yourself in one of the following situations. If not, read carefully and take action. The scenarios might be a little difficult to read but I urge you to read each one and take to it to heart.
Scenario 1
The first scenario is that you have an elderly parent. They have been ill for quite some time, possibly living in a skilled nursing facility. You visit your parent routinely talking about your children, bringing in pictures, and a favorite food that you always enjoyed together as a family. Then one day the doctor at the nursing facility calls. The doctor tells you that your parent has taken a turn for the worse and then the inevitable question comes, “What would you like us to do?” You listen, but have no answer. You don’t know. Your parent never talked about want they wanted done if their health deteriorated. Did they want to be resuscitated if their heart stopped beating or did they just want to be allowed to pass? Did they want to have a tube put in their stomach when they couldn’t eat anymore? You don’t know. So now, amidst all your grief of losing a parent, your mom, your dad, you now also have to decide if you are making the right decision. Are you making the decision that mom would have wanted? What dad would have wanted? You hope so…but you don’t know.
Scenario 2
Another scenario is you’re a newly married couple, both having just graduated from college and moved into your first home together. You were married in the summertime and have enjoyed the fall together. At Christmas time you’ve had the joy a couple gets from figuring out all the joint family plans. As you see a bright spring approach, your new spouse decides to do the thing they always loved to do – ride their motorcycle on a beautiful day. But the day doesn’t end so brightly when the one still at home receives the phone call that would change their life. On the other end of the line is a request to come to the hospital right away. There has been a serious accident. You arrive at the hospital only to find your loved one is now on life support and you hear the doctor say, “What would you like us to do?” How do you respond? You have no idea what to do, because you never thought you’d be in this situation. The overwhelming agony of what has happened in one day has shocked and paralyzed you, and now you’re left having to make a decision about choosing to stay on life support knowing, so sadly, that there is no chance for recovery. This is the best it will ever be. Or, did your loved one not want to live this way? Did they want the organs donated so that someone else could lead a full life? You just don’t know. How can you make a decision like this under all this stress, but…you have to. You have no choice. You hope you make the right decision…but you just don’t know.
Scenario 3
The final scenario is one where you have been married now for 35 years. Your spouse tells you that they have not been feeling very well. You say the normal thing that most couples will say to one another, “Well, you need to go get that checked out.” So, your spouse procrastinates for another month and, realizing that they are not feeling any better, decide to finally make that doctor’s appointment. Well, the soonest they can get in to see the doctor will be the following month, but it’s okay, it’s no big deal. Their doctor’s appointment finally arrives and they realize that it’s a good thing they made that appointment because they’re starting to feel a little worse now. Your spouse sees the doctor and the doctor says some tests are needed. The tests are run and the news is not good. You and your spouse are now so preoccupied with doctors’ appointments, chemotherapy, radiation, and then even more tests that you never sit down to discuss something that will be so important to the one that is left behind; because the time will come in this scenario when the doctor will come and will say, “What would you like us to do?” And your answer will be….?
I hope none of you are ever the one left wondering if you did the “right thing.” But, so many times throughout the years I have seen the anguish, pain, and despair on the loved ones faces as they are left to make those final decisions not knowing if they are making the right one or not. One of the best gifts that can be given for those who are left behind is an advanced directive.
An advanced directive is a document that states what your wishes are for your health care if you were unable to voice those directives yourself. You can remove the burden from your child’s shoulders, your soul mate of 35 years, or your better half of less than a year from making such heart-rendering decisions in such a time of despair.
At James River Care and Rehabilitation we strongly encourage all residents, families, and staff members to have an advanced directive. It does not matter what age you are because as you read above, you can be thrown into one of the situations at any age. I have had an advanced directive since I was 30 years old because I saw the suffering of those trying to make the “right choice” and I did not want that burden placed on my husband. We have forms available and can help anyone complete one. This form is not difficult to complete and must be notarized, which we can also assist you with. Anyone can obtain a form to complete from mobar.org. You can complete this form online, print it out, and then sign in front of a notary. Do not hesitate!
