Cremation Creates Separation
By Rick Allen, Allen Family Funeral Home, Collin and North Dallas LIVING WELL Magazines
First, let me set the record straight by saying that I am not an opponent of cremation. Many people are choosing cremation these days as their choice of final disposition. In years past, the main driving force behind people choosing cremation was the perception that it was less expensive. The cost factor is correct when you consider that many who choose cremation have no need to purchase cemetery property and it is there where cost can get out of hand in a hurry. However, for those who prefer to have some form of memorial service or even a traditional funeral service prior to cremation, the cost factor becomes less of a comparative point.
The aspect of cremation I want to discuss in this article is how some people use cremation as a means of separating themselves from the difficult emotional stress created when a loved one dies. Instead of viewing cremation simply as a means of disposition, these type people attempt to get rid of the evidence that death has occurred as quickly as possible, and cremation can provide the avenue in which to do so. Once the body of a loved one has been removed from their sight, they try as quickly as possible to resume their normal daily activity and even attempt to make themselves busier than they would be otherwise, just so they don’t have to face the grief that should naturally be present. This behavior usually is accompanied by the attitude that funerals are unnecessary and hold no social value. In reality, the person who chooses this path is refusing to acknowledge their own sadness for any number of reasons, all of which seem rational to them at the time. Unfortunately, many of these people get stuck in their grief and never have the opportunity to deal with the emotions that ultimately help them feel better as they work through the process.
Society today tends to feel that if someone is cremated, the expectation for a traditional tribute, including a viewing or visitation and church service, is not part of the process. It is therefore easier for those responsible for arranging the details for a loved one to forego these traditions and eliminate the potential of showing emotion in public or allowing others to offer condolences. For those who choose this, in their own mind, they are by-passing the negative aspects of death and getting on with life in the most efficient way possible. At the time, this all makes perfect sense. However, after a few weeks or even months pass, the pain is still as strong as it was when the death occurred and families wonder why it is so hard. The simple answer is that they never really slowed down long enough to recognize that a loss impacted them so dramatically. It seems as if that person just vanished and they never had the chance to say good-bye. In reality, that is exactly what they allowed to happen. In their effort to insulate themselves from pain and grief, they missed the one time they would get to pay honor and respect to their loved one and to allow themselves and others who were impacted by the death a chance to say good-bye.
If cremation is the choice of a loved one or if you prefer this means of disposition for yourself, please realize others will be impacted by the death. While it is not necessary for many people to view the body in a formal setting to come to grips with the loss, it is essential to have some form of memorial for people to come together and share their grief and to say good-bye in order for them to naturally move through the grieving process and to ultimately heal from the loss they have experienced. Take the time to express your feelings about things such as this with your family. You may be surprised to learn that in your effort to shield your family from unnecessary trouble and expense you are actually robbing them of a much needed experience that will in the end be much more positive than you may have thought.
Rick Allen is the owner of Allen Family Funeral Options. Visit their informative website at affoplano.com to learn more or give them a call at 972-596-8200.
