By SAMUEL ROGERS, SR.
The holidays are a season of reunion, of clinking glasses and sharing meals with the people who have known us the longest. For many of us, this means sitting down with family and friends we don’t often see—people who may live in other towns, practice different lifestyles, or hold vastly different opinions about how the world should work. That mix of personalities can make for colorful conversation, but it can also stir up tension. Add a splash of celebratory wine or spiked eggnog, and suddenly Aunt Edith is ready to debate the latest political headline, or Uncle Leon wants to explain why the family should agree with his views on the economy, healthcare, or “the way things used to be.”
Most of us don’t come to holiday tables looking for conflict. We come to reconnect, to laugh, to share traditions, to make memories. And yet, sometimes the conversation slides sideways and you find yourself in the middle of a topic that makes everyone shift in their chairs. What do you do? How can you gracefully steer the moment away from politics, religion, or any other divisive subject without making the other person feel dismissed—or blowing up the evening?
The art of changing the subject is just that—an art. Done poorly, it can feel abrupt or insulting. Done well, it can diffuse tension and refocus energy back on what matters: time together. Here are some thoughtful strategies for sidestepping tricky conversations during the holidays.
1. USE HUMOR AS A BRIDGE
A well-timed joke can defuse tension faster than any lecture or lecture-avoidance tactic. When a topic turns heavy, sometimes the best thing you can do is poke fun at the situation—not the person.
For example, if someone starts raising their voice about politics, you might smile and say, “You know, if we keep this up, the turkey’s going to get cold and we’ll be forced to blame Congress for that too.” With a smile and a light tone, you’ve redirected the moment and reminded everyone that this is supposed to be pleasant, reason-free gathering.
Humor works because it invites others to laugh with you—not at them or at the topic. It changes the energy in the room without calling anyone out directly. Of course, humor isn’t always appropriate, but when it is, it can be magic.
2. REDIRECT WITH CURIOSITY
Another effective way to shift a conversation is to gently turn the spotlight elsewhere. Most people enjoy talking about themselves, and asking a question that appeals to someone’s personal life can reframe the moment.
If your cousin launches into a heated debate about national policy, you might say, “That’s interesting. By the way, how’s your new job going? Last time we talked, you’d just started that big project!” By doing so, you acknowledge that you’ve heard them, but you move the conversation back to something they enjoy discussing—something far more likely to lead to raised voices.
It doesn’t feel fake or manipulative. Curiosity is a form of respect. It shows you care about them beyond their opinions.
3. PLAY THE “POLITE EXCUSE” CARD
Sometimes, the easiest way to escape is just to excuse yourself. Step into the kitchen to refill your drink. Offer to help with dishes. Ask where the restroom is. These little “time outs” give you a chance to exit the room without requiring confrontation.
The trick is to do it warmly. A simple “Excuse me, I just need to check on the pie,” or “I’ll be right back, I’m out of tea,” is often enough to reset the conversation by the time you return.
4. SHARE A STORY INSTEAD OF A LECTURE
One of the gentlest ways to redirect a tense moment is to tell a story. Stories grab attention and move the focus. If your cousin is beginning to rant about current events, you could interject with, “That reminds me of something funny that happened last week at the grocery store…”—and out you go.
You’re not invalidating their viewpoint; you’re choosing to gift the group with something lighter. Stories are the opposite of confrontation—they’re invitations.
5. OFFER A SIMPLE ACKNOWLEDGMENT, THEN PIVOT
It’s important not to make people feel ignored or belittled. Often, a quick acknowledgment is all that’s needed before steering the conversation elsewhere. A polite phrase like, “I hear you, and that’s an interesting perspective. Speaking of perspectives, did you see the holiday lights on Main Street this year? They’re incredible!” works wonderfully.
This method is like conversational aikido—you’re not fighting, you’re redirecting.
6. MY PERSONAL GO-TO: THE DESSERT DIVERSION
I’ll admit, my personal trick is to use dessert as my secret weapon. Last year, when a very animated debate about a controversial news story got as we were clearing plates, I felt the tension building faster than pumpkin pie in a hurry. I blurted, “Okay, have you seen the size of this pumpkin pie? I think it’s bigger than my dog.” Everyone laughed, and within seconds, we were all back in kitchen cutting slices. The food moved the moment forward. Yes. We did eat the pie! Also yes. That’s what I call a win-win.
7. CREATE A SHARED ACTIVITY
Anything people do together tends to be less charged. The right activity acts as a liferaft. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. “Hey, who’ll help me make a fresh pot of coffee?” or “Let’s grab a group for a round of dominos!” can work beautifully.
When people are engaged in doing something together, it naturally redirects attention away from tense subjects. Shared activity can sometimes achieve what words cannot.
8. NAME THE SEASON, NOT THE PROBLEM
One of the most graceful ways to shift the reason you’re all gathered is to simply say so. You might say, “I know we could debate this all night, but what I love most about this season is that we get the chance to be together.”
You’re not shutting anyone down, but you are making a point about value. And most people will accept that reminder with respect.
The goal isn’t to avoid every uncomfortable moment. It’s to honor the place and people around you. With a little care, humor, acknowledgment, and creativity, the holidays can stay joyful, even during conversations that start to veer off track.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. They don’t need to be conflict-free in order to be warm, memorable, and rooted in love. When the room warms up in ways you’d prefer it didn’t, feel free to pivot, redirect, and focus on the threads that keep us tied together as families, neighbors, and friends.