We are the Same as Our Parents

Courtesy of Visiting Angels

Consider the many different ages of the people with whom we live. If we select a few different age groups, we can classify the way we are separated. For example, clearly there are children, those who are under the age of eighteen. There are the young adults, followed logically by middle-aged adults, and finally seniors. I realize there could be more groupings, but in general, these could be the way we label our society. With those groupings in mind, we then could attribute characteristics specific to each group, which would take pages of notes to complete. Rather than going in that direction, let’s look at one factor common to all groups: self-esteem.

Psychology texts that I have read list self-esteem as the basis of human psychology. Without a solid level of self-esteem an individual might suffer from any number of ailments, both psychological and physical. When you were raising your children, it was evident that in order for your child to develop into a normal adult, you needed to ensure that your child’s self-esteem was intact. For example, when your son struck-out in a Little League baseball game, instead of yelling at him in front of all his friends and their parents, you went over to him, put your arm around him, gave him a hug, and told him “good effort,” “nice try,” “great swings,” anything to let him know that you were proud of him despite the fact that he struck out. Your job as a parent was to build a strong individual capable of handling the issues that would confront him or her later as adults. And, self-esteem was one of those building blocks necessary for that development.

That we all need love and a sense of purpose in life is not exclusive to our youth. Our elderly also need to feel that people care about them, that they have meaning to their lives, and that others understand what they are going through. Consider that as we age; we loose our abilities to see as well as we once did, we can no longer play golf as if we were 30 years old, in order to even get out of bed can take time, and we can have fewer social commitments and even fewer work obligations. In short, our elderly can feel that they have little purpose in their lives. This can translate into low self-esteem, which in turn can quickly lead to depression, and even a series of physical ailments.

To combat this negative cycle of depression-to-low-self-esteem-to-depression that many of our elderly experience, it is important that we step in and become empathetic to our parents’ (or our care recipient’s) need for love and attention. We need to try to understand what our elderly population must have in order to maintain their self-esteem, which in turn will help to keep them happy and healthy.

All people need to feel important. With our elderly, most no longer have jobs and many have lost friends and family over the years. We can start to help these folks feel important again by listening when they tell us their memories. These memories are their views of what they have lived through. In other words, they are telling us their life stories. Even if you have heard those same stories over and over again, listen one more time. Ask questions about what it was like living in their day. And show genuine interest in their history—if it weren’t for them, you might not be here.

Promote more social gatherings. Have family meet more often than the once-a-year holiday gathering. Use our new technologies to aid in this. For example, get a web-cam to let your mother speak with her granddaughter. What a kick that could be for everyone. And, make sure you show your emotional support for them. Just as you supported your children when they struggled with life, support your parents as they struggle through their lives. Nothing says love better than a hug.

It’s not easy getting older. It is up to us to make the transitions in life easier for both kids and our parents. Think about the many, many ways you can make your parents’ lives better. Then actually do something toward making those ideas become reality. Not only will your parents reap the rewards of your efforts, you also will feel better about yourself.

Visiting Angels provide living assistance services and home senior care services in homes across America. Visit VisitingAngels.com for more information.