Helping children through the grief process
Courtesy The Denver Hospice, East Denver LIVING WELL Magazine
Grief counselors Emily Duhaime and Agnieska Gorska of The Footprints Children’s Grief Center kept hearing the same request over and over. Families wanted to know what to tell their children while a loved one was dying.
There are plenty of books on the market to help children after the death of a loved one but there was very little in print about anticipatory grief.
Duhaime and Gorska were out to change that – publishing the booklet, Every Step of the Way – Helping a Child Navigate a Loved One’s Serious Illness.
“This really came out of an interest in the community,” says Duhaime. “Families were asking us if we had information to help their children. Even social workers from Children’s Hospital were asking for information so they could help the siblings of their patients.”
Duhaime and Gorska did lots of research and sat at the keyboard together in writing the booklet. They and Molly Van Rijssen, an art therapist with The Denver Hospice Grief Center, provided the children’s artwork to illustrate the book. The 16-page booklet is written in question and answer format.
The booklet provides parents and other adults with information about how children think about illness and death at different ages, how they express their feelings and concerns. It gives pointers on how adults can give children the kind of support they need.
Among the questions it answers is “How should I handle the topic of death with my child/teen?” The booklet tells parents to encourage their children to ask questions and then be open to them. Processing stressful information for children may take some time, so be prepared to answer questions multiple times. The booklet offers advice on precisely what to say to help children understand the death’s meaning and impact on their life.
“We had a dad with two teens who was dying in our care and had trouble talking to his children directly,” says Duhaime. “He read the book, did a lot of work and he was able to talk to his children about what was going on in his life.”
“One of the teens read the booklet and it now sits by her bedside,” says Gorska. “That is now inspiring us to want to write a book just for teens.”
Another section of the booklet offers advice on dealing with challenging behaviors while another offers tips on coping and self-care skills.
Footprints Children’s Grief Center is a service of The Denver Hospice. Footprints offers anticipatory grief counseling prior to a loved one’s death and individual counseling following a death.
“We wanted our booklet to be easy to read so we came up with a Q&A format that puts questions at the top of every page,” says Duhaime. “The time before a death is filled with anxiety for children. There’s a lot of uncertainty so we want this booklet to help parents through the process and address their children’s fears.”
Every Step of the Way is available through Footprints Children’s Grief Center, a service of The Denver Hospice, 303-321-2828, thedenverhospice.org.
