Bringing closure to veterans
Johnson County LIVING WELL Magazine
When Deborah Grassman began her career as a hospice nurse for the Department of Veterans Affairs, she had the same fear of death that most people face, but what she discovered was how she could find peace, joy and fulfillment in caring for the former warriors at the end of their lives.
In her book, Peace at Last, Grassman tells their stories of pain and redemption, personal awakening and peace. She responds to the question she often hears, “Isn’t your work depressing?” by explaining that it’s actually rewarding, because of the lessons she can learn about peace from people who were trained for war. She found that these warriors often have wisdom that shows us how to live in peace with each other and within ourselves.
Her insight begins with her belief in honoring our veterans for their sacrifices and acknowledging their years of experience, often laced with trauma. As they near death, the two most common things she notices are first a stoic façade. Because they have been trained to stay brave and not complain, they have a hard time allowing themselves to be vulnerable and ask for help with easing the pain of the dying process. Another frequent occurrence is that sometimes when they are preparing to meet their maker, if they have been forced to commit violent acts in their military careers, suppressed guilt may surface. They need to learn how to forgive themselves. Often family members will hear stories from their dying loved ones they had never heard before. The veterans have a need to let go, and many times couldn’t stop the memories from coming forward even if they wanted to.
“We have the opportunity and responsibility to learn how to better understand the science of violence and how to integrate prevention and new evidence-based treatments with the human experience of serous trauma,” Grassman states. Even though she had no special training for working with veterans when she began, she has learned to understand the military culture and the necessity of helping veterans face their final barrier with deep-seated emotional baggage carried with them for years.
Grassman lives in St. Petersburg, Florida, and travels around the country imparting her knowledge to caregivers and family members who face these challenges. As she helps them learn how to ask the hard questions, identify guilt and shame and recognize the major components of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), she also continues to learn from the participants.
“As audience members participate, we all have eye opening and heart awakening experiences that are helpful in understanding the veterans’ emotional behaviors.”
