Stop Family Drama Before it Starts
By Lori A. Leu, LIVING WELL Magazine
Guardianship can be a difficult and complicated decision. But it doesn’t have to be––these examples illustrate the need to take action and be prepared.
Frank and Nancy were both good kids, but they marched to the beat of different drummers. Frank, the oldest, was a free spirit––managing money was not one of his strengths. Nancy was very levelheaded. She worked, raised two children, and still made time to help her father with doctor’s appointments and errands. Frank needed a place to live, so he moved in and started taking care of their father. Nancy didn’t come over as much, and when she did, she and Frank argued. Nancy thought Frank was taking advantage of their father, yet Frank told him that Nancy took things from him. The father was confused and just wanted his children to get along. Finally, Frank and Nancy argued about asking a judge to make the decision about who should be the father’s guardian––a complex and potentially expensive process.
In another situation, Mary knew that she should have legal documents in place, like powers of attorney and a will. But, she really didn’t like lawyers and didn’t know why it was necessary. She thought that her children would take care of her while she was alive, and just split whatever was left when she died. Things started happening that were confusing to her. She didn’t understand it when her children started visiting less often. A man went to her house and said he was her son, but she didn’t recognize him. And someone called from the bank to tell her that she was going to lose her house because she hadn’t paid her mortgage. She was rattled and didn’t know where to turn for help.
Betty also unexpectedly found herself in a bad situation. She met a couple, Jim and Judy, at the community center, and they started helping her with many things. She paid them for making house repairs, picking up prescriptions and paying her bills. If Judy asked for a little more money to make ends meet, Betty was glad to give it to her. Then, the bank called Betty one day to say that her account was overdrawn. Embarrassed to tell her children, Betty never suspected that Jim and Judy would cheat her.
In each of these scenarios, the circumstances are moving toward the possibility of a guardianship battle––a battle between siblings, a battle between children and parent, and a battle between a family and third parties who are profiting from the parents.
Guardianship disputes are expensive and, ultimately, if the parties involved act in good faith, it is likely the parent will be required to pay for all of the attorney’s fees and expenses incurred in obtaining the guardianship. Fortunately, this can all be prevented with some advance planning and a decision to trust those who have the parent’s best interests at heart.
The starting point is to obtain the legal documents necessary to protect parent interests while they are still alive. The most important document is the statutory durable power of attorney. Appoint a trusted person as agent and give this person broad authority to act and protect the parent’s best interests. Make a good, well-reasoned decision and stick to it–– later changes are often made when there is not as much clarity of thought.
The next step is to maintain communication with loved ones. Allow family or friends to take care of needs and never assume that children or trusted friends are ‘too busy’ to help. An ongoing, close relationship can be the best defense against anyone seeking to exploit vulnerabilities.
Initially, the steps may seem difficult to take, but stay focused on the goal of creating the best outcome for everyone. Rest assured that the end result is worthwhile for your quality of life and relationships.
Lori A. Leu and Erin W. Peirce are Elder Law attorneys with Lori A. Leu & Associates in Texas. They help clients sort through these issues every day and can be reached at 972-996-2540.
